Guest post: How not to get kills in a stealth bomber

The following story comes from Reddit user Bywa. With his permission, I am reposting it here on this blog as I think this kind of story epitomizes the ‘I’m Bad at Eve’ theme. Original thread: http://www.reddit.com/r/Eve/comments/1whle2/how_to_not_get_kills_my_short_story/ 


Guest post: How not to get kills in a stealth bomber

I have this stealth bomber, it’s all fun and stuff looking for people to kill. Or maybe not? It involves so much waiting and literally doing nothing besides clicking d-scan once in a while. Today was different though.

A venture showed up on d-scan. Being so inteligent I deduced that he must be mining. But I don’t have combat probes, so I have to use d-scan. Nothing easier. Scan 360 degree, make sure hes still there, scan 180 degree, hes not there? Turn around. Now scan each asteroid belt and then planets with 90 degree, if he shows up lower it to 60. And then again, to 30. He shows up at 30 degree when I’m scanning one planet. Strange right? Whatever, maybe hes afk or something. I check this planet, it has 4 moons, nothing easier, I just warped to each moon to 100km, but hes not there.

It will be harder that I expected.

Back to max scan range and 360 degree. He’s still there. Now, keep 360 degree but lower range to 10% of max. That’s roughly 1.4 AU. He’s still here. Nearby. I start scanning with 1.4 AU range, 180 degree, 90, 60, 30… I roughly know where he is, but theres nothing nearby I can warp to. Safe spot maybe? So how do I find him… I can’t. I gave up. Other ship shows on d-scan. Imicus. He must be exploring. So I quickly drop my probes and start to scan each site hoping I will find relic or data, and Imicus would be there. I’m halfway through scanning sites and Imicus disappears, must have jumped out.

Then an idea strikes me: miners don’t have to mine asteroids ONLY.

I warp back to this planet. Check d-scan, 1.4 AU, 360 degree. Venture is still here. I check probe scanner. There’s one site about 1 AU from here. Oh god, let it be gas site. I scan it down. It is gas site. I warp to it and DING. There’s my venture!

Cloak is still up, I come closer and closer. By the way, it’s worth mentioning that I have 2 warp scramblers so I’m ready to point a venture (they have +2 warp core strength). But my effective range is slightly below 9km only… So I slowly boat closer and closer to him (from 100km to 10km).
I added everything to my overview (so that nothing uncloaks me). I’m near. Now quick local check if there are any corp members of his. There are not. Quick d-scan check if there are any other ships. There are not. Now is my chance.
Still cloaked, at 8km. My heart is beating harder than ever. Even frecking Minecraft isn’t that exciting. I uncloak, start targeting, he’s pointed, my torpedoes fired. He starts moving. Get’s faster and faster.

Warps out.


I check my target, it’s still there. It’s… it’s… a gas cloud.


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